Nostalgia.

nos·tal·gia

 [no-stal-juh, -jee-uh, nuh-] noun

1.

a wistful desire to return in thought or in fact to a formertime in one's life, to one's home or homeland, or to one's family and friends; a sentimental yearning for the happiness of a former place or time.

I have a backpack. 

I have been using it since the 8th grade.

It's my 8th school year with this good ol' bag.

My parents could have afforded a new backpack and now, thanks to a few waitressing jobs, I could afford one, too. I've received a few from some concerned friends and family members. I can't deciefer whether its the look it gives or the memories it holds or that I just hate change. 

I just can't let go of this thing.

I've spent the last three summers of my young life meeting new people, living in the homes of families, traveling to places, hanging with, loving, and teaching these kids that have now stacked in my mind and in my heart like files.... Files of memories, cramped behind the busy life that distracts me from the things that truly matter.

What I've found is that this feeling of lost relationship is not specific to these summers of being a Youth Ministry intern but of specific sets of time in my life. 

It's as if I live to build these meaningful friendships that cannot be kept.

Students graduate. Friends get married and go away. People move. Some just move on.

If the relationships we invest in will eventually fade or fall or break, why do we take so much time and emotion and patience to be a good friend?

I think it exists in our desire that God has placed in us all to connect. 

In our fast paced culture of constant alternations to what is considered normal, how do we hold on to the people we love most?

A scripture I consistently turn to when I am questioning the reasons I'm in a certain place and how things change for the better and for the worse is Ecclesiastes 3. 

"For everything there is a season,
      a time for every activity under heaven.
A time to be born and a time to die.
      A time to plant and a time to harvest." (1-2 NLV)

This passage is put to a conclusion with these words, which I've never looked at as intently as the the ones before:

"What do people really get for all their hard work? I have seen the burden God has placed on us all. Yet God has made everything beautiful for its own time. He has planted eternity in the human heart, but even so, people cannot see the whole scope of God’s work from beginning to end." (9-11 NLV)

Not only is there a time and purpose for every change of season in our lives, God is weaving together these people and the moments with each one into something grand and beautiful.... Something so big we cannot begin to appreciate for its full value. 

Reading this provides a great deal of motivation for me to live where I am- Invest in the people God has placed right in front of me- Love those who I can't see and invest in like I once did- and know that God's hand is placed on it all. God is love, after all, and I do not think that love escapes from the matters of time.... I do not think that love dies. 

So, I am going to stop becoming so discouraged when I cannot give everyone all of me. I can only give what I can give each day. 

And I pray that each interaction I have with every human being I come into contact with God can make into something beautiful.

I do miss those I can't see every day. I am trying to give them a call every now and then. I hope they'll forgive me when I can't be present like I once was.

Just a few lovely people that have been so important in each respective season of my life. Seasons come, seasons go, and seasons come 'round again! 

PS- If you're wondering, I will be using my same backpack for school tomorrow in my 16th grade. Just don't like to change the things I can control, my friends.