Reckless.

I’ve always been a good little girl with the bow in my hair, afraid of all consequences for my actions, craving to do good, say the right things…. Living to please. I can’t think of many rules I have broken.

This is my story…. And I’m pretty darn good at doing all of the right things.

I do not think it’s a bad thing to all the right things. It’s actually a good thing to do good. (I apologize if this is too deep for you) What I've developed is a pitiful impress-people complex that has led my life to be lived with a great deal of fear.

I’ve placed the opinions of people I love far above all, including the opportunity that God has placed in our hearts to yearn for his love just as we are. Accepting God’s grace without aspiring to impress Him, or any other human being, is an inner battle I’m consistently fighting.

Those who live in a way where they completely embrace the moment without panicking of what each day may mean, what will happen if they say exactly what is on their mind, if they talk to that beautiful person that could quite possibly bring rejection…. These are the people that inspire this well put together girl who’s memorized the system and the social norms and exactly how to behave in order to avoid any risky circumstance.

I heard a prayer being read in a song this week where the writer asks God for reckless passion.

Captivated by this line, I looked up the word “reckless” in the dictionary…..(the only contexts where I’d heard reckless describe included the naughty child in Bible class).

reck·less 

[rek-lis] adjective

1.

utterly unconcerned about the consequences of some action;without caution

What if I asked God to intervene in my life in such a way where I would quit focusing on the consequences and embraced opportunity?

What if I, instead of being cautious or guarded, pursued my passions in such a way where the possibility of failing was not in my perspective scope?

I heard a speaker named Mark Driscoll at the Catalyst Leadership Conference in Atlanta a few weeks ago and he shared this question:

1)   Who’s opinion do you care about too much?

What I began to apprehend was the long list of people that I live to impress and that desire for praise, a pat-on-the-back, can crowd my desire to live bravely.

In the midst of a world running away from all things awkward, slightly uncomfortable, or flat-out terrifying, God tells us:

FEAR NOT.

Those unpleasant things you worry may happen? Fear not.

Fear… anything? Fear. Not.

I am not planning on initiating a new life where I live to break the rules and I am not planning on auditioning for Fear Factor, mainly because I do not think it is still on the air…  

I don’t want to say “No” because I’m scared of what may happen. I don’t want to say “No” when I’m scared of what people may think.

What I am longing to become is bold. What I’m longing to become is fear-less of all things apart from God himself.

When we become unafraid, I think we are more available to seize the chances to fully live life. I think this could be life that God intended.

Even as I’m growing up, now skipping the hair bow…..

(Reckless-Fear-Not stance)

I have long way to go.

"Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?"-Matthew 6:26-27