Recently I saw an article posted on a friend's Facebook wall entitled "Can You Tell The Difference Between a Men's Magazine and a Rapist?" (reader's discretion is advised) and I didn't read it.... I did remember it, though, and two nights ago I looked up the article and was more disturbed then I expected to become.
The article reports a study done by the University of Surreal, soon to be published in the British Journal of Psychology, where men could not tell the difference in comments made my alleged rapists and those found in British lad-mags, "what's more, they rated the magazine quotes as slightly more derogatory than the statements made by men serving time for raping women." More on this study in this video:
I live in an age where Internet pornography makes over 40 billion dollars a year, over 3 thousand dollars per second... and I don't think most people see this as an issue.
I'm 22 years old and at a time in my life where I'm trying to date, trying to find a good man that will be respectful and appreciative of the woman that I am... and this is the kind of world that this good man I'm hoping to find is living in, too. If a guy has easy access to all that he wants to see or hear, why would he try to make a relationship work with a good, modest girl such as myself?
I've recently had conversations with girls my age, older, and younger about this part of our current culture, and what I've found is that young girls expect guys to be looking at porn....
"All guys do it."
"As long as they do it in private."
"I just don't want to know about it."
They also expect guys to talk about women in a way that they don't want to accept. These young girls are living in a world where they excuse crude remarks about and directly towards women because they're just the guys and that's just what guys do.
Why has this become okay?
I've also talked to a few guys who are disgusted by the immense issue of sex trafficking, who talk about the things that they wouldn't want to see their daughter wearing... They're disturbed. Girls, there are good guys out there... and I don't think that the things you're uncomfortable with hearing or knowing has to be accepted or ignored.
Young women can enable this, too, with the way we can dress, we crave attention, and even reading and viewing in the same sort of media.... Women and men, alike, have a role in changing anything about this issue... It is an issue.
As a young woman, I'm extremely aware of the unrealistic images of women found in all facets of the media, and pornography is a colossal problem that seems unmanageable. Because I believe that this problem stems from evil that has always existed in our human existence and is only now more exposed due to technology and a shift in the social norm, it extends much farther then the porn itself... and will take more than removal of this media from shelves and computers. Rather, it requires a heart-shift.... in one person at a time. Parents need to be teaching their young men to respect women and we should refuse to ignore the reality of these issues in our churches, homes, and schools. I personally believe it can begin by refusing to deem "dirty, derogatory language as acceptable. It's not always comfortable in social situations when you do not accept of crude talk, however, I am going to start acknowledging my uncomfortable disposition. Lastly, I feel that those that follow Jesus and believe in living a Christ-like life should feel a unique call to acknowledge these evils that exist in our current culture, and instead of separating ourselves, claiming to be better... or above... or ignorant of the issue of Pornography.... extending a hand of love and grace to all (yes... it's all of us) who live in a world pervading with struggle.
Start the conversation: What to do about Porn?
Thanks Kristin. I don't think you understand the power of what you just wrote. So powerful. Thanks and I will try to get the word out so others can be challenged. It is something that damages heart and soul.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
Deletehere's something to think about. i read your blog post its very interesting. One thing that really stuck out is when you said, "If a guy has easy access to all that he wants to see or hear, why would he try to make a relationship work with a good, modest girl such as myself?". Here's the truth about porn-it only satisfies one aspect of anyone's life, and that is nowhere near enough to make anyone happy. You can't talk to porn, it doesn't give you advice, it can't give you a hug when you're feeling sad, you can't take it out on a date and complement it on how good it looks, you can't watch movies with it, or get to know it. It only satisfies you sexually, and only for a short amount time. No matter how satisfying they make it, it will never be able to have the ability replace a solid relationship with a God-fearing christian woman. It will lead many men down to paths of self-destruction and will ruin their lives. I think some guys realize this and they truly make an effort to find a good woman that they can spend their life with. Someone that they can fall in love with, have a healthy relationship, have a family with, spend holidays with,someone that will build them up spiritually and as a person, and everything else that goes along with a relationship. That is what every guy should want. :)
ReplyDeleteHey Kristin want to join FreedMen Nebraska! Thank u for being bold and encouraging others as well! Porn ruins men for anything they would or could be. Like Shawn said, it is only one aspect of a relationship, but I would take it further and say porn doesn't even satisfy the sexual needs of a person. Porn will actually rob a person of their ability to have any kind of relationship with another person, plutonic or intimate. Porn leaves you empty in your soul. I would go so far as to say ANY sex outside of marriage leaves a person with mistrust, hurt, frustration, self loathing and despair. Grat writing, thank you for sharing. -Jason Nabb
ReplyDeleteDid you know 50% of Christian men are addicted to porn? It is often the men who say porn is sick and they don't do it. Few men admit to it and many college Christian men are secretly addicted.
ReplyDeleteVisit www.purelifeministries.org for research on this topic.
Kristin, thanks for your wisdom and especially your boldness. Pornography steals the intimacy we all are desperately searching for. I truly believe this is a battle each and every one of us has to make the choice to fight our give into. There are so many tools that can help but the truth is we have to choose to battle for our own hearts and be willing to fight for others. As a father of two daughters I desperately want there to be young men that share the desire to seek intimacy God's way. I want my son to be able to offer this to the young woman that God has selected for him. We can't keep our heads buried and believe that somehow some way this will pass us by. Thanks for being courageous so that so many that look up to you realize that their is a better way out there.
ReplyDeleteRod Goben
Fabulous insight, Kristin. Thanks for sharing your heart.
ReplyDeleteI appreciate this post. It's very good and needed. Two thoughts. First, porn is such a selfish Sin. The partaker (male or female) isn't thinking about the consequences it will have on their spouse and kids, but on that moment. And that's a huge part of the philosophy that I grew up around was the idea that it's "all about me". People want instant gratification. And porn is a way to have it. That leads into my second thought. Following God can be hard. Porn is no exception. There is so much access to it. And it's easy for kids to discuss how a certain female looks or that one "milf". Yet it's so hard to say "hey I struggle with porn" to their closest buddies because it's their "secret" and shameful.
ReplyDeleteMy point is that people need to look beyond themselves and accept what they are doing is wrong. And that God has forgiven them. People need to make the tough decision and man up. It's a personal decision that every person has to make for themselves
And for those who aren't struggling or have gotten through it. They need to work just as hard. To bring the issue out. Not to keep it in the dark. To face it head on, so others can follow their example.
Keep up the good work. And God bless.
Nice post. Raising awareness on this issue is an ongoing battle. Ironically, raising awareness is important both for people who have no idea about these things, and also for those who are caught up in it themselves. Christians caught up in porn/lust/sex often think they are the only ones and that they would be disowned if anybody found out. In reality, it's a very common problem among Christians, but as long as we all stay isolated and keep it secret, we lose the battle.
ReplyDeleteThere have been many comments about making the hard decision to follow God, to "man up" and resist sexual temptation. This is good advice for many people. There were also a couple mentions of sex addicts, but too often people think sex addicts also just need to make a decision and do the right thing. What defines an addict--and there are many of them in churches all over--is that they have lost the ability to make that choice, and need additional help. Accepting this fact is essential to being able to help addicts.
Some additional help and resources for addicts can be found here:
www.sa.org
www.slaafws.org
www.sexaa.org
www.bethesdaworkshops.org
It's tremendously unfortunate that Christianity has failed to adapt to the cultural delay of marriage. People in the bible got married in their early teen years, people today often delay marriage until their late 20's. It only stands to reason that people, including Christians, will explore sexual opportunities outside of marriage to accomdate a delay like that. It's not an addiction, it's a perfectly natural desire and response. I would agree its right and good to protect the youth and expect them to be virgins when they are 13 years-old. However, exaggerating the thelogy and expecting that people are going to be 30 year-old virgins on the same basis is just ridiculous. In fact it would be laughable if some people didn't take is so seriously.
ReplyDeleteKristin,
ReplyDeleteThis touched my heart. Thank you for being so bold and posting about an issue that is so taboo and overlooked, even in a Christian environment that says they challenge young men to rid their lives of it. Thank you for being a voice for the women who have suffered with this struggle in their dating relationships or marriages. Thank you for being my voice.
I like what u put
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