Centered.

Deep breath in..... and out.

Feel better?

I needed that.

I've done Yoga a few times in the past year, only because of the inspiration of some agile, flexible (not to mention beautiful) girl friends who recently Net-flixed a Jillian Michaels Yoga Meltdown DVD.

I thought Yoga was supposed to be spiritual... Does she even have a soul?

To join them is a struggle because I probably look like Gumby.... but the Gumby you buy at a souvineir shop that's completely plastic and looks as if it could twist and bend, but instead, it's stuck in the same upright position. I do put forth a good effort, though, and I'm sure that it's entertaining to observe....and see the tears....and watch the sweat fall on the floor when I participate in this "meditation".

It's a struggle for me to do Yoga but the real battle begins the next day when I wake up and do my morning restroom stop and find myself having to set my hand on the toilet seat in order to bend my knees and take a seat. Then, later in the day... something drops on the floor and I'm reminded once again of my inadequacy in this healthy hot girl activity.

Despite the day-of embarrassment and the day-after pain, I've never had regret after doing a Yoga session, but convincing myself it's worth it can be rough.

The way my days have been going recently have included waking up feeling exhausted, drinking a generous thermos full of coffee, and knowing that I may not be asleep again for another 20 hours. I'm not complaining because I know we all have the exact same sort of day... I'm just wanting you to identify with me, here.

Despite my best (or worst) slices of effort, I have been struggling to stop to pray, reflect, read, or write,  and despite my best (or worst) slices of effort to cover this up, it most definitely shows. The way I react to unexpected, unpleasant situations when I'm not taking time to connect with God and center myself is not exactly a desirable disposition, and, to be completely honest, taking ten, fifteen, or sixty minutes to read my bible and say a prayer would not solve the issue.... it could help. It's not the cure.

What I truly need to do in order to change Engergizer-bunny state that extracts the life out of me is making a decision to not section off finding "peace in God" into only ten, fifteen, or sixty minutes of my day, but allowing God to be a part of every moment that I experience throughout the most hectic of times.

This is terrifying, really, because God does not belong in most of my day. Many of thoughts can become irritated, rushed, bitter and cold, and the beautiful Creator that made the most scenic view in this world does not belong in the same facet of my thoughts. Against my desire to compartmentalize God into a portion of time, He finds his way into even the most dark and selfish portion of my brain, and, when I remember, I'm ashamed.

"Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting."-Psalm 139:23-24

The moments I find myself asking God to reign over my life marks the beginning of transformation, leading me into an abundant existence of forgetting and giving of myself. It is difficult to allow God into every aspect of my life, especially when it's my thoughts where I've convinced myself that I'm not in control, yet, the truth is that I am in control of my thoughts and I can let God rule them all.

Finding my "center", a peace of mind, and a one-ness with my creator begins with my acknowledgement of God existing in all that I am, and instead of this leaving me afraid, I must acknowledge the power that I have in Him filling the many, many voids in my humanness.

So, here's to having God to search me, know me, to face the reality of my self-centered thoughts once again, and allowing Him to make my days better... to change my heart.

That's more then Jillian Michaels can do even in the most painful session of gut wrenching, spiritual, body sculpting.