Accept

As I college student, I try to balance my life with both school and work so I can eat more then a box of Ramen when I run out of meals at the cafeteria. I work as a waitress a few nights a week at a local restaurant. I am surprised no one stopped me in this pursuit because of my tendency to trip, fall, and have things "slip my mind" on many occasions-you could guess that this has been quite the experience for me! I have had my fair share of bad nights of waitressing in the past 5 months and I have also had glorious days filled with successes in the restaurant business.

The concept that has been extremely interesting to me- earning your by performance. Most of the time, my customers give me a tip amount based upon the work that I do (and what I have come to find out... waitresses deserve!) Sometimes, I get lucky. Sometimes.  Sometimes somebody decides to make my night by giving be that 20, 25, or 30 percent tip. My first thought when I receive one of these generous tips is "I don't DESERVE this!", "This is too much!", or "What can I do for you?"

My closet friends might consider me a generous person. The truth of the matter is I enjoy picking out gifts! It's one of my favorite hobbies. There is something about picking something out or surprising someone to make them happy that energizes me. If someone were to reject my gift or decide not to be so joyful upon receiving a surprise little "something" I pick out, I would be so disappointed. However, when someone decides to be generous to me- to give me something out of the blue or something extremely valuable or generous my first thought is "I don't DESERVE this!", "This is TOO much!", "What can I do for you?"

I've realized- I have made myself INCAPABLE to just ACCEPT the gift. To just take it! To realize, "Hey, I don't deserve this. But...Thanks." And...that's it. Accept it.

Accept.

One of the many lessons that my mother has tried to teach me throughout my life is to accept a compliment. So, when someone says I look nice, that I did something well, or that I am talented, I try to fight back my first thoughts: "Stop it.", "Yeah...right.", or "Really? You think?" and just respond with a simple...

"Thank you."

And... that's it. Just take it. Accept it.

Accept. 

Now... this whole struggle I have with accepting something I do not deserve... it sounds familiar...

Grace.

And....that's it. Just take it. Accept it.

Accept. 

This is my greatest mistake in my relationship with Christ.

Isn't that what Jesus came to do?

He has paid the price. There is nothing else I can gain. After I give him my life, what else can I give back? He has given me more then I deserve....

And I must accept.

Accept.

Still, I work to pay him back. I work to prove that I am worthy.

Everyday I fight my pride.

Everyday I fight my urge to tell God: "I don't DESERVE this!", "This is TOO much!", "What can I do for you?"

When all he wants me to do is to

Accept His grace.

Accept His love.

Realize He is faithful.

Accept.

"For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God-" 

-Ephesians 2:8