Teacher-in-a-Year.

I'm supposed to become a teacher. Have I failed to mention that?


That's probably because I'm far from most teachers with little to no experience... but I do a lot of heart and untested ideas... bound to break when the first middle school kid looks at me and says "shuddup!" and I start to cry.


I'm supposed to become a teacher.


Last night I attended the keynote session and dinner of the yearly SEAN (Student Education of Nebraska) conference that happened to be hosted by York College. This year for they brought in Nebraska's Teacher of the Year, Luisa Palomo, as a speaker. When I imagined the "Teacher of the Year" in our lovely state of Nebraska I pieced together a picture of a middle aged woman with a short, low maintenance hair-cut and one of those sweaters with fun pictures of corncobs and big red "N"'s. Imagine my surprise when a young, b-be-beautiful, itty-bitty, fashionable woman walked to the front of the room to give her speech. "This has got to be Miss Nebraska...." I thought, confused.

I imagine the sub-heading if there was a brochure with my achievements thus far:
"Kristin Tuttle: Potential with good grades. Give her a chance! She's....nice."

As she talked, she proved the validity of her status and gave some great insights from her experiences at the elementary school she works at in the middle of Omaha, currently with 91% of its students on a free and reduced lunch plan due to poverty. Her passion was evident, she had done her research about her philosophies as a teacher, and her experiences, though only 9 years, had formed her into an educator that is effective in transforming the lives of her Kindergarten students and their families. When she finished, I wanted to give a standing ovation and start chanting "Change the world! Change the world!" because I was impressed and inspired. I played it cool, though.


An older professor at the conference stood up and said to all of us college students: "You have so much power within you... soon you will be taking our jobs!"


I thought to myself, "Well, that's too bad, because I don't think I could do your job as well as YOU can." 


Amongst the feelings of motivation I had after hearing the fabulous Teacher of the Year talk to us, I also experienced a breakdown in my confidence. I started imagining myself on my first day of school, wearing a cute little cardigan with my set of "ice-breakers", waiting to be crushed by all reality. Soon enough I will be expected to be educating the future of our SOCIETY. I'm such a dysfunctional, scattered human being and I can rarely find my keys. Please don't expect me to be able to control a room full of insecure 7th graders. 


In the midst of this minor identity crisis, I remembered what Paul said to the Corinthians:


"'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.'Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me."-2 Corinthians 12:9


All pressure does not rest on only me and my human ability, rather, I can be transformed into the person that I want to become, and in my weaknesses give the opportunity to hope and trust in the intervention I must humbly accept from God himself. That's a refreshing spiritual reality to meditate upon.


The second reality is that all of us will always feel inadequate in comparison to this person or that person or this standard or that expectation. There's always another goal that we're far from achieving. So, let me decide now to accept the grace of God in my weaknesses, because, as I see my long list of inadequacies growing in my head, there's no other way. 


So, if and when I do take my that initial middle school teaching job, my first day of school might be insane and the mean guy might cuss at me, but hopefully it won't make me cry, and perhaps I can learn and become better. I also won't be alone.